Super High School Level Drunkards
by Nhame
Summary: It was Naegi's birthday and everyone agreed to throw him a party. What could possibly go wrong? Flirting, crying, blackmailing, 3D girls, harassing inanimate objects, strip poker, donuts for president, despair-inducing hangovers and more drunken shenanigans. Oneshot.


**Super High School Level Drunkards**

_Apparently, Naegi's birthday is on February(?) and... who cares? I just need an excuse to write this one. Enjoy!_

* * *

It was Naegi's birthday and everyone agreed to throw him a party that was held in the Rec Room of Hope's Peak Academy. Everything was fine and dandy until Hagakure showed up late with a case of suspicious looking bottles. The luckster was about to protest but everyone else shrugged and got a bottle for themselves.

That was 2 hours ago, and now almost everyone was absolutely smashed. It turns out Naegi was one of those sober types that doesn't get drunk no matter the amount of liquor they drink. Naegi doesn't know whether to thank his lucky stars or not. While he doesn't make a fool out of himself, he still needs to look out for his friends who were total strangers to him at the moment. He needs to keep everyone out of trouble, oh, and stop Celes from taking pictures for blackmail material.

He observed his friends one by one: Leon was talking to a very flushed and giggling Maizono and how he could show her a really _good_ time. Togami was messing with the jukebox and started kicking and shouting (Yoda-speak style) at it when it didn't play the song he wanted. Yamada was drowning himself with cheap liquor and chips while cursing every 3D girl who looked at him funny. Ikusaba was passed out and Junko was putting make-up on her. Ooishisaki trio was playing strip poker, Ishimaru was down to his boxers while Mondo and Chihiro cheered for him to "take it off!". Asahina was shouting like a madman about donut equality and how it should have its own food group while Sakura, who was _crying_, listens to her as if she's taking the swimmer's words to heart. Fukawa was (unsurprisingly) sitting alone in the corner muttering incoherent words. She was later joined by Leon who looked totally in despair after Kirigiri pulled the idol to her lap and starts making our with her.

Hagakure, the perpetrator of all this, was unusually quiet. When Naegi asked him if there's something wrong, he suddenly lashed out about the government and reforms in which Asahina jumped into the conversation saying that the next prime minister should be a donut or at least the one who invented the sugary sweets.

Celes was absolutely in heaven. She didn't know cheap alcohol was all it takes to make her classmates loose all their marbles. She wanted to record this moment for future generations but she only have Yamada's obnoxiously pink Boku camera, so photos will have to suffice. Naegi finally got out of that government-reform-slash-donuts-for-president debate and sat across Celes.

"Great party, isn't it?" she said, taking one last photo of the detective and the idol in different states of undress and horizontal-ness while they go at it on the pool table.

"...yeah," the luckster was mildly curious of how and where Celes got her champagne glass. Of course, a woman with Celes' caliber should only drink liquor from a champagne glass no matter how cheap it is.

Naegi looked around once more, avoiding the pool table, and saw Junko cradling Ikusaba's head on her lap. It was an adorable moment for the sisters if it wasn't for the grotesque make-up. Sakura joined Fukawa and Leon after Asahina ditched her to argue with Hagakure. Ishimaru―who was still wearing boxers, thank goodness―was now sexy dancing to the menacing tune coming from the jukebox while the other two cheered him on and Yamada's cursing can be heard in the background.

Togami suddenly plopped down besides Celes and effectively wrapped his arm around her small waist pulling her to his side. He looked incredibly smug after kicking the crap out of the jukebox.

"You must be very proud of yourself." Celes commented, looking at the heir sideways. "I'm glad you finally showed the neanderthal that you really are." she smiled, though her voice held a hint of a sneer.

"Herh herh herh... hmm?" he nuzzled the gambler's neck and inhaling her scent, clearly in trance. "Speak nonsense young one, do not."

Celes and Naegi were both confused about how the heir way of talking then remembered that he's drunk and his extensive vocabulary turned into Yoda-speak. Celes chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh my, I don't think I'll be about to take him seriously when he talk and act like this."

Naegi sighed. "Of course, he's drunk so don't take anything he says seriously," he said, watching Togami buried his face in the crook of the gambler's neck and purred like a cat in heat. Naegi's face became red, something was very sensual about them. Maybe it's the alcohol or the _noises_ coming from the pool table that's making him think about certain things.

The luckers shook his head, they're his friends! Bad Naegi, bad! Besides, they're Togami and Celes! They'll never work out.

Togami pulled back and eyed her lazily. He opened his mouth to say something but was quickly cut short when something pink and lacy landed on his head. Taking it off of him, he inspected it with child-like fascination and read the label: "Of Sayaka Maizono property. Yes, hmmm."

Celes' head snapped back to the pool table, camera in hand while Naegi turned for the opposite direction to see Hagakure and Asahina joined the misery corner. He briefly wondered if they'll make a club out of it and Fukawa as the club president. Everything went down hill from there, if it could go further down than it already is.

A disheveled Kirigiri walk up to them asking for Maizono's, uhh, lingerie back. Togami refused and they had a big fight over it, the detective won. She left with the idol after that, leaving a very dejected Togami. He looked so much like a kicked puppy that Celes actually took pity on him and told him she could show him her _collection_. The gambler promptly leaves the room followed by the heir who almost tripped over his own two feet.

They left Naegi with a bunch of drunken teenagers to look after. The luckster cursed his lucky stars, he never really got drunk.

* * *

The next morning, Naegi realized that just because you're sober doesn't make you immune to hangovers. He stopped clutching his aching head to observe his friends. Apparently, some of them doesn't remember last night's escapades.

Most of them are in the same state of crapulence. Except for Maizono who kept batting her eyelashes at Kirigiri who's clearly avoiding making any eye contact at everyone. Leon didn't even bother to fix his hair and goatee this morning and was slumped on his desk, his corner buddy Fukawa was in the same state. Sakura escorted a groaning Asahina to the infirmary, probably to get some protein and donuts. Yamada wasn't sitting right and looked sort of pale, he quickly ran to the door when the girls were out. Ikusaba was still passed out, she was carried here by Sakura as Junko requested. Junko was also clutching her head but Naegi could see a faint smile and blush on her cheeks. And was that drool threatening on the side of her lips? She was also mumbling to herself, the luckster could only make out "...so, this is what a hangover feels like..." and "...I am so in despair right now..."

Naegi shifted his gaze to the Ooishisaki trio when the fashion girl started giggling. Mondo asked Chihiro if he needs to go the infirmary for the sixteenth time before giving him two tablets of aspirin and bottled water. He also stopped Ishimaru from throwing himself out of the window. It seems Ishimaru grab a hold of his half naked photos Celes took last night and cried out of shame ever since. Speaking of Celes, she's still missing in action. In fact, three students (the ones who went out not included) were still not in class.

As if her name was just announced, Celestia Ludenberg walked inside the classroom in such a graceful and fabulous manner that everyone audibly groaned when she smiled radiantly at them. Togami walked in after a few seconds wearing his usual crisp attire but for some reason his also wearing a scarf. He glared at Celes for a good minute before striding to his seat at the back. Fukawa, who has a built-in Togami radar, sat straight and stared dreaming at him despite the awful headache.

Everyone managed to get in the classroom a few seconds before the bell rang. As soon as Fukawa slumped into her seat, her disheveled hair got in her face, making her sneeze and switch into Genocider Syo.

"Gyahahahahaha!" She laughed, her tongue licking her lips excitedly. However, a sudden pounding in her head made her stagger. "OW! Fuck! Why does my head fucking ache and why do all of you lot look like shit?!"

Once again, everyone audibly groaned. They didn't need to be reminded about what happened last night. Genocider flipped them the bird for blatantly ignoring her and turned to her right where Togami is seated.

She blushed. "Oooh, Togami-sama! You're as handsome as ever, of course!" she praised and then her gaze fell on his scarf. "Why are you wearing a scarf? Are you hiding something from me? Gyahahahaha!" she asked playfully for this is the first time she had seen him wear one. The thought of removing that piece of clothing made her shiver with excitement.

She stood up and tried to get hold of the mysterious scarf. The heir tried to stop her but his movements were sluggish due to his headache and fatigue. "Unhand me, you―!" But his plea came too late and Syo succeeded to slip the scarf off his neck. And there she saw on Togami's neck several hickies and bruises in different sizes.

Syo was livid with anger. Who did this to her White Knight?! How dare she? She immediately took out her scissors and screamed in anger, her eyes eyeing everyone suspiciously.

At that moment, Celes turned to Naegi and asked, "Was that the best party you ever had?"

Naegi remained silent, gulping nervously. They never saw Genocider Syo this angry before. Like she intended to kill everyone inside the room, even Togami."WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GUYS HAD A PARTY AND I AIN'T INVITED?!"

To say that it was Naegi's worst birthday party ever was an understatement.

* * *

_I was supposed to write the next chapter for **Not-So-Generic Love Story** but got distracted and this happened. If we're lucky, I can update next week!_

**un-BETA**

—_Nhame_


End file.
